Reflections :: 15/52

This week and a half has been so hard. It brought my spirit down in a way that I’ve never felt before. I almost felt like it was an attack… an attack on my family and my soul right before Holy Week. I told you guys before in my Currently a little bit about the sickness that overwhelmed us these days, and it never seems to end. Someone always gets sick. And my spirit, it hurts.

know I sound dramatic, and I know so many other mothers go through the same things with their children when they’re sick. But. It broke me, for some reason, this time.

I feel a little lost.

In between blowing my nose every two seconds, and trying to keep the kids from the baby and the baby from the kids, and doing the dishes, and cooking the dinners, and going to work, and writing here… I feel a little lot empty.

But these sweet ones, who smile at me, and tell me stories about Frozen, and who dance around with my high heels on… they are saving me. I am beyond words grateful for who they are in my life, for the light they give me day in and day out. Even after the mommy’s tired and please go watch another show so I can rest and the please stop touching your sister… THEY LOVE ME.

They love me. And I can do nothing but reflect that love onto them. I am empty of everything, I am empty of drive and passion because I am knee deep in snot and tissues and fevers and aches. I am empty enough to do nothing but love.

That’s all I can do. Be a reflection of what they are to me.

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Jenna

Jenna is the mama behind A Mama Collective. She has three beautiful daughters who cause a lot of chaos and joy in her life. She also has a husband who is gracious and kind, and who looks away when cloth diaper mail arrives.
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8 Comments

  1. Ugh. Hard stuff! I’m currently reading Desperate-Hope for the Weary Mom, awesome book! It speaks of how we need community… and it’s so true! While I can’t come over and keep your kids for you so you can have a break, I can try to encourage you (in things you probably do know!) It will pass. It might get harder before it gets better, but usually it gets better! And you’re doing the best that you can! And you’re right, you’re their mama, and the mama that God created for them!
    Meg recently posted…Jack of All Trades Linkup & Glimpses of GloryMy Profile

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  2. Sending strength your way, mama. While I *only* have one kiddo, I’ve found that sickness is one of the most trying times for me as a mom. Breaks are a rarity, but I tend to catch everything my little guy gets…and experience it tenfold. It’s tough, but I’m thankful that these illnesses are only temporary.
    Lauren Stevens recently posted…Why “Mommy Juice” Scares the Hell Out of MeMy Profile

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    • Thank you, Lauren, I appreciate you more than you know! It has been SO trying, but I’m really trying to remember that all they need is LOVE. That’s it. And that’s all I can do. Screw the dishes, the dirty house, all of it. I want to just love them. ~Jenna
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  3. I know how you feel! When the kids kept getting ear infections we were up around the clock:( Rest is a need, that when unmet, can create the most difficult times. Hang in there! I’ll drop off dinner lets text what you want k. Love you.

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    • Hey Sus :) You’re so sweet. Thank you. I feel so helpless, it’s really the worst! Thank you for commiserating with me ;)

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  4. No fun. I hope everyone feels better soon!!!

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    • Thanks, Nellie. I just want everyone to be better so I can have a glass of wine in peace and not worry that someone is going to wake up! oy.

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